This mirror shows a girl I don’t know anymore
A reflection of yesterday’s pain and confusion
This mirror shows another side of me
A side of who I truly need to be
I’ve always thought people never cared or worried enough to love the inner workings of my being
I’ve always believed that no person cared as much as I do
Repeating the same mantra cheering me on another day of comfort and unknowing
Comfort in making excuses for my own hidden trauma
Comfort in rejecting others, never letting connections flourish
But was I right to behave in such a way or did the overthinking take over once again
Did the overthinking create a bearable fantasy to hide the unbearable reality
An unbearable reality that I can be cared for, that I have been loved
Everything, absolutely everything, is a reflection of ourselves
A projection of self hate, a projection of mental misunderstandings
Inspecting each misunderstanding led to an awakening, to seeing the things I don’t believe
I don’t believe I can be cared for or that I am loveable
Closed off for so long I forgot to be open, I forgot that my heart was never bound by walls but in fact it is a field
A field that once had a young girl riddled in confusion chasing for security
A little girl unbeknownst to who she would become
It is not that people aren’t showing me ways that they care
It is that I disregard everything that someone does to display that they care
Because it doesn’t matter
I will never believe that anybody cares
A part of me had to believe that my messed up world was this way because I deserved it
if I ever believed that I am deserving of love
Well then my whole world would fall apart
and bit by bit I would see that everything in my life needed to change
But in those moments I just needed to get through my days
And my world did fall apart but not in the way I thought it would
It did not shatter, it rained
The rain poured for days by the end the sun shone
Both tragedy and happiness lead to the rainbow
And that field grew greener, that field stayed open.
Image: 'OPEN', an original multi-media painting over framed photograph, by Nicole Anbar
Nicole Anbar is an Arts student majoring in human rights. She’s been writing poetry since she was a child as a form of creative self-expression. This poem, and the accompanying artwork, were created as a way to shine light on those struggling with mental health issues, and the power of positive change.